i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
