All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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