i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
high people should be assigned attendants
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
