Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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