With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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