Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
