dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
