Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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