I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
