You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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