Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
