Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
