wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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