I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
