Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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