Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
