just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
