i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
