When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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