i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
