You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
