Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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