Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
