When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You ruined the universe
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
