So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
