She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
