Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
