i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
