people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
