Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
