lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
