At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
