Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
