Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
