First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
