whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
