Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
