Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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