I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
