Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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