well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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