when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
