You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
