I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
