The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
