I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
