Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
