...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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