its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
