The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm just crazy horny about you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
