I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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