So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
