no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
