i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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