youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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